some thoughts by me.

No doubt school and this daily routine of nothingness is the root of my headache.

A book and a laugh are the only medicine and band aid to my daily tragedy.

I feel the need to evaporate from high school, load up on books, move to an unappreciated land and discover. Perhaps backpacking across country after country and staying away from civilization could heal the sadness and helplessness I feel in my situation.

I am thankful I got the chance to be entertained by America's simplistic view on education. So now I know that I am smarter and will be smarter than high school has tried to teach me otherwise. I don't like that this has happened. I wish the place I had to spend five days in for seven hours was benefitting me, but it leaves me empty. Saturday and Sunday are better. At least there is a chance for freedom because school will make you a slave. Trying to brainwash young minds into believing how they score on a test determines their mental capability is where they went wrong you see. They don't aim to make you a better person or find who you are or even build up self-confidence because all of that will be ripped to shreds through the paces up and down the halls. Self expression is doubted and following is encouraged. My lack of motivation to continue this thought up path to success by graduating high school, then attending  and exceeding in college is wary. But my longing to make a life for myself I will enjoy is exploding in me everyday. There are very little things I take pride in nowadays. That's because my time is consumed with school and work, something so distant from my heart it is really quite laughable. There should be hope at the end. There should be a way out. I really need a way out and soon. Otherwise life will be wrong.


Note from me:

I decided to share my very personal thoughts and feelings with a group of strangers because to me that is less scary than sharing it with someone who knows me. I hate to bring negativity, but I really needed to project my feelings somehow. Writing is definitely an outlet for my deepest and darkest times. I know that these entries are a bit upsetting, but to me this is how I feel. I don't ask for understanding of me or what I wrote. Just accept it and maybe respond if you feel it will positively affect you or I. I know I did mention I'm not proud of many things anymore, but I take so much pride in my mind and the thoughts that run through it. I hope you are proud of your mind too because if you don't already know this, it is your greatest and most valuable anything. It is everything in the world.