What I know. I know some things about myself. Not much. Or at least not as much as I would like. I think a lot. I overthink most things. I write love letters to people I haven't talked to or have barely talked to, but never write them to people I actually love. I don't know why. Sharing feelings is the most terrifying thing to me. Next to being sad. Both are absolutely petrifying ideas in my mind. I write what my lips can't speak. I try to be funny. People say I'm funny. That makes me feel good. I believe in traveling, friendship, books, and hugs. I want to learn. But I don't want to go to school. I'm told that I'm not smart. Or rather I'm made to feel as though I am not intelligent. This really hurts. I have a best friend who just gets me. But I can't tell her any of my broken moments.
I get called weird often and get crazy looks, but I like that because that means I'm different. I know how to make a lot of fun for myself. I also know how to make sadness for myself. That's the worst. I don't like talking about myself, yet look at what I'm doing. This is less abrasive I feel though. There I go making excuses for why I only let strangers read me.
I'm afraid. I don't want this future I'm "supposed" to follow. I have traveling, love, and writing in my heart. There's a very limited amount of those ingredients in my life at the moment. I want to change my life. I don't know how to. I need to change my life. It's wasting away. But I don't exactly stop it. I feel powerless. Not much money, haven't even graduated high school yet, but I still want to get up and take on the world. What's stopping me? Everything. Me included. I'm crazy probably. Actually I'm really scared people will actually think I'm crazy. I care too much, but not enough at the same time. I feel lost. So lost. I don't know anything anymore. I guess I don't know. I don't know me.
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