2015: Still Under Construction

     It doesn't feel any different. And I don't know if it should. The past is the past. But we shouldn't wait till one day to put that all behind us. Or count the days till we are going to start living a new and better life. I used to always write down resolutions on a pad of paper or in my phone, but this year I didn't and I'm glad. Nobody needs to wait around for a day to come where they can start from scratch. That can be any day, time, and place. It doesn't need to be when the clock strikes 12 and that silly ball drops in Times Square. Of course celebration is important. But nothing will change for you on January 1st... unless you do. You have the opportunity to pick up those weights, read that book, and love yourself every day you are granted with life. I thank the universe every single morning and night for I have been graced with another day on beautiful Earth. But before now, I lost sight of what I was thanking the universe for.
     For a short time, I woke up so excited for the day because of a guy. And once that was no more... I lost my sense of priorities... my sense of happiness. What was I dependent on for the smile on my face? Another person that barely knows me? Yes. It felt so good, but it wasn't forever and I couldn't do much about it. Was I excited for a new day when I didnt love myself? No. Not by a long shot.
     It wasn't just the boy. It was family. It was friends. It was school. It was all I had. What I had clung to was escaping my grasp just like that. It was all crashing down at once. But a lot of it was out of my hands.  I couldn't dwell on it. Not if I wanted to get out of this hole that was dug for me. I had to be selfish. I had to allow myself to be my first and only priority. To be better. To stop going through the motions. To live. It took me a while to get there; focusing in on what I want to do but I'm here. And I'm proud of that.
     There are still blocks in my road. Specifically people, pressures, and self-doubt but I will no longer allow for the bullshit. From anybody. And since I have started this attitude, I have received some pretty shitty responses. But I want these people to know, that I care. Boy do I care so much, but there comes a point where no matter what you do, what you say, or how you say it... people will continue to hurt you. Because they are so unhappy with themselves. And that is truly out of your control. You cannot fix everything or everyone. You can fix yourself. I am fixing myself. I think I'll always call myself a work in progress... but doesn't everyone? Or should I say.. shouldn't everyone? Those souls that try to suck the happiness out from under happy individuals truly upset me, but I sympathize with them at the same time. Happiness does not come easy sometimes, but man is it worth it. I promise to myself that I will not to lose that again.